Clients may pretend to forgive and forget, but they do not.
Others don’t even pretend. Not sure which is worse.
The next eight weeks, Jeff was consumed with the Dock Slips project: constant calls with India on the design and building of the prototype. Expectations loomed large, and neither Jeff nor his boss could rein in the customer on expectations. World Marine wanted a demo and their top brass would attend. Nothing like an all- paid trip to San Diego from Omaha. Jeff wondered how many of them would show up if the slip was being designed in Corpus Christie. Boondoggle paradise. Perhaps the demo was a bit soon, but clearly, nobody wants to miss a boating season. Timing is everything.
Demo week arrives and the next challenge is getting the team from India assembled and the plan in place. Jeff treats it as a paramilitary operation, including charts with rendezvous points and timing. “At sun-up, 7:05 SHARP, we meet at the dock. Sunil, you are in charge of getting the parts moved from here to the dock,” he says moving the pointer across the map. “And have your team ready to start the installation. They will have approximately 4 hours, so there is not lots of time.” The design specs call for being able to stretch the canvas and remove it in less than 15 minutes. But this is after its been installed properly. Their original demo plan called for a dry run the day before, but the shipment had to be pried out of the customs office and Jeff just received it the afternoon before the demo, thanks to many high placed phone calls. Actually, it was the backup prototype. The main prototype, the one with the most recent changes, went on the airplane with the Indian team, but it was lost somewhere between Chennai and San Diego. Jeff reviewed all the recent changes with the team, and hoped none of them were too significant. It sounded so sniveling to start a demo with, “Sorry, we are so fucking lame we lost the most recent prototype.” Soon, he’d realize that should have been the least of his embarrassment concerns. Jeff’s boss reassured him that every project with short timelines has its setbacks. One just has to hope that they can be cleaned up with a little “ass-licking”, or failing that, “hookers”. And, that is not a fishing term.
After rehearsing as best one can at a chalkboard for two days, demo day arrives. Jeff stops in at the dock at 8:00 am to make sure things are moving. When he arrives, the team is down at the slip with cables and parts lined up on the dock, but nothing across the slip, yet. Sunil appears to be well in charge. Jeff doesn’t want to interrupt for too long; he just wants to check if there is anything he can do to help. Sometimes, he knows, staying out of the way is the best way to help.
“How is it going, Sunil? We have about three hours before demo time. That is unless their private jet arrives early!”
“We are just waiting for the canvass bag to come off the truck. All the parts are here and we are going to start the assembly in a few minutes.”
Relieved, Jeff says, “alright, I will go procure some snacks for all. I’ll be back in 30 minutes or so. Call me if you need anything.”
Jeff goes up a ramp to Barbarian Days, a little beachwear and café, where he buys some chips, cookies and soda and gazes momentarily at the fine selection of gnarly baggies that only surf dudes under the age of 20 could wear. Obviously, the shop was not for corporate types. Then, he checks with the furniture store who will be delivering some couches and chairs to place them on the slip and they verify that they are 1 hour out. Texting his assistant, Helen, who has the enviable job of chauffer for the day, he reminds her to drive the long way to the dock if the plane arrives early and to give him the thumbs up signal if the customers are in a good mood. Helen texts him back that everything is under control and the catering is on-time.
When returning to the docks with the snacks, Jeff sees the Indians jumping up and down on the canvass like an overly springy trampoline.
“Holy shit, that is not the right tensile strength,” Jeff says to nobody, then thinks perhaps they haven’t quite finished stretching the fabric yet. Some local kids have gathered around and one is taking a video with his phone. The videographer sees Jeff staring at the spectacle and says, “Man, that is rad!”
Jeff runs down the dock, and, when within ear range, yells, “What is going on? Why is it so springy? You need to tighten it down, now! The furniture is will be here shortly.”
In response, the Indians give Jeff some pouted lips and tilts of the head. Clearly, confusion reigns.
“Tell me you haven’t finished stretching it, please!”
“Yes, Jeff, it is done. We are just waiting on the furniture.”
“What have you done! What is this?” Jeff asks, as he reaches the slip and jumps on it.
“It’s our slip trampoline,” says Sunil.
“Slip trampoline! Who said anything about a trampoline! We need to be able to put tables and chairs on it, so people can hang out. The tensile strengths should have told you that!”
“No, Mr. Jeff, you said like a cat on a trampoline. I have it right here in my notes.”
“I said a trampoline on a catamaran. That was just to give you a concept of the way the material would be stretched! See, come look at this catamaran. The front is called a trampoline.” Jeff moves to the front of the slip and points at a forty- foot catamaran in a neighboring slip.
“Well, we don’t know fancy boats! We know trampolines, though.”
One of the Indian engineers who was listening in says, “See, I told you, like a living room! And, we could have put one of SanJay’s Durries rug right on the floor to brighten it up.”
“OK, we have an hour. What can we do to tighten it up make it look presentable? You start there. I’ll go see about getting some lighter furniture,” says Jeff, quickly moving into disaster recovery mode. Analysis will wait until later.
Jeff heads over to the kids taking the videos. “Could you guys help us by jumping on that slip as my team tightens it? And then sit on the furniture we’ll be placing on it while we get ready for our visitors? It should take about sixty minutes of your time, total.” Jeff thinks the kids would be stress testing it as best they could.
The kid who talked with him early asks, “Can we jump on it afterwards, too?”
“Sure, if you can help us move the furniture on and off afterwards. You all know how to swim, right?”
The kids look beyond delighted, high fiving each other. The videography goes into his best military stand, salutes and says, “Yes, sir! We are all wanttabe beach bums, so we know how to swim and we are willing and able to help with the furniture.”
“OK, follow me,” says Jeff and he leads them up to the driveway where the furniture is coming off the truck and tells the kids to grab the couch and a few chairs. He then leads them down to the dock and tells them to put it down for a few minutes. Jeff scans the docks and quickly spies a boat with some light aluminum furniture with the boat’s owner sitting outside, enjoying the morning’s entertainment.
“Excuse me. I was wondering if you could help me out by swapping my heavy furniture for your aluminum frames for a few hours.”
The amused boat owner laughs and asked, “You’ll bring my furniture back later?”
Jeff laughs and nods, “If I am still alive in two hours, I will see to it personally. Or you can even keep the heavier furniture.”
“I am happy to help, on two conditions. One, tell me what the hell is going on?”
“I have a demo to World Marine in 20 minutes on that slip over there. My furniture is way too heavy and it won’t sit on the slip cover so we are trying to replace them. What is the second condition?”
“If you are alive, you’ll come here after your demo and let me buy you a beer.”
“Deal! I’m Jeff, forever your slave,” says Jeff, extending his hand.
To seal the deal, the boat owner jumps up, reaches over to shake Jeff’s hand, “Shaun here.” Then, Shaun starts moving his furniture out to the dock. Jeff motions to his recently hired movers and they grab the light furniture and head to the demo slip. Shaun walks Jeff over to his looming disaster. “So tell me about this slip cover? We can use it as a deck?”
“Yes,” replies Jeff. “And with a few modifications, apparently it can be a jumping trampoline, too!”
The kids assist positioning the light furniture on the slip and then return and help the boat owner move the furniture on his boat. Then they return to the slip and perform some test leaps from the slip into the water, each trying to outdo the other with flips, twists and cannon balls. Helen texts that she’s ten minutes out and Jeff shoos the youngsters off the slip and finalizes the area for the demo, including putting up a sign saying:
Welcome World Marine
Slips just became more fun
Meets all state standard for
Coastal waters
The young moving and diving team gather back on land, overlooking the dock, waiting for the show to begin with the leftover chips from the professionals and their own Mountain Dew and Red Bull.
Right at noon, the World Marine team arrives. Poor Helen makes no move to throw Jeff a thumbs up. Has she forgotten the signal, Jeff wonders? Nautical Engineering could send a chauffeur, but not only is it a nice touch to send someone they’ve talked with on the phone, but the spy could read and transmit a group’s mood on the way in, and even more importantly (and often less enviable) the group’s mood on the way out! Plus, Helen is easy on the eye.
Typical good ole boy staff, Jeff thinks as they walk towards the dock. It’s easy to tell the lead dog: he literally leads the pack, just like a mush team. The rear dogs all lean towards him, as if a strong wind blows at their back. Jeff thinks the lead dog will even eat first. They all halt before coming down to the dock where the lead dog, whose gate indicates decades of knee injuries, is obviously giving last minute instructions. Helen is close enough to hear, but Jeff isn’t sure how he’ll get the information. They’re all dressed alike – more like boaters than executives: tan Dockers, green shirts with company logos, matching company ball caps, and of course, the boat shoes. The only real difference in costume will be in their watches, Jeff thought. Christ, when everyone starts wearing smart watches, that clue will be gone. It would be so sweet if the boss wore an ascot, but then, Jeff probably couldn’t look at him without losing his train of thought and cracking up. Not a good look when you’ve already fucked up.
As they near the dock, Helen finally gives Jeff the thumb’s up. Jeff gets a better look at the visiting team. The manager is 55’ish, quite handsome with a full head of dark hair, but about 30 lbs past his prime. His four subordinates could make up the better part of the infield of a pro baseball team. Jeff decides to call the lead dog “coach”; the large, squarely built stud, “catcher”; the smallest, dark headed guy, “short stop”; the lanky blonde, “third”, who also happened to be third in the row behind coach coming down the stairs and lastly, the tallest guy, who is lagging behind and flirting with Helen as “first”. It will obviously be a big day for sports metaphors, and Jeff hopes Helen is willing to take one for the team.
Jeff dismisses the working team; it’s as good as it’s going to get -and returns to his visitors as they make their way down the docks to the slip. Helen introduces everyone and Jeff gives himself a mental note to ask her how she does this – there can be a group of 20 people never seen before and she’ll know each of them by name after they simply check in. Indeed, she can name every kid who was ever in her grade room classes. This, Jeff decides, is a superpower.
Coach, aka Richard, gives the manly handshake and Jeff tries not to wince. Richard the Lionhearted would work better for him. First base’s name is Wolf. Yup, Helen better watch her undies. That name is not forgettable, and truth is sometimes better than fiction. The shortstop was really named, “Sherman”. Really, like Peabody and Sherman? Maybe the catcher’s name is Igor. No, he quickly finds out, it is much better; it’s Carl. Bingo. Jeff hopes he doesn’t call him Yas.
Once introduced, Helen returns to the car to meet the caterers. Jeff knows it’s time to move into sales mode: today that would be the “Oh Shit” mode, and gathers everyone to the edge of the slip.
“Gentleman, welcome to the demonstration of the all- new Slip Deck. The prototype you see here has a few issues, mainly due to some missing parts that were manufactured in China.” Jeff catches the knowing look cross the faces of the World Marine team.
“So, our goal is to give you the idea. It can be installed in about 4 hours. It‘s designed to retract to the posts on a daily basis, so it meets all coastal regulations for slips. Once installed, it sets-up in minutes with this remote control. As you’ll see later, it acts a bit like a convertible top. The slip comes in different sizes and we believe it can retail from $4000 to cover 20 ft. of slip to $10,000 for a 60 ft. slip. We will sell it with a 5-year warranty – parts and labor. There are a few more minor areas to work on to prevent slippage around some of the connections. We believe we can have it in partial production in 3 months and full production in 6 months. Here is the brochure.”
Jeff hands them a technical looking brochure depicting the slip cover with many, many specifications, but not a marketing picture of how it would be used with families lounging on it. Those images were not available yet and getting print work done seemed like a big expense of time and money at this early stage. It’s so much easier to change pictures on line!
As he hands it out, Jeff continues, “A second release of the product allows the owner to adjust its length. For now, they will buy the desired length.”
“All good information, Jeff ole boy, but can we step onto the playing field? Only way to take a swing at these things,” says Coach Richard.
Jeff knew this would be coming, but was hoping to be farther along in the presentation. Maybe he could delay a tad bit longer. “Well, Umm, due to the missing parts, I really wish you would not. I don’t believe it is totally safe.”
“Jeff, old boy, we didn’t fly all the way out here just to get washed out! Come on team, let’s hit the field. You’re all well insured. And no pain, no gain.”
Jeff grimaces as he is almost shoved aside as the team sprints to the mat. They walk around on the tarp – definitely wobbly and bouncy. Richard the Lionhearted bounces his 250 lbs body up and down and then moves back to the edge. Jeff thinks it is a good thing they are all athletes with excellent balance.
“I am sorry Jeff, but I don’t think this is just about a few missing parts. It is bouncier than real size Double D’s in a string bikini,” Richard says as he cups his hands to bounce them up and down, performing for his team who laugh heartily. “So, step up to the plate and come clean, Jeff. You’ve had more than a few dropped balls on this project and having us come here was a Hail Mary, right?”
“Sir, I promise you, there are just a few minor changes required. The hard part was all the electronics to extend and collapse it. We hit that one out of the park. Give us another month and then come back,” replies Jeff, thinking he should have studied his sports speak before this meeting.
“Let me huddle with my team, talk about it over the next few days and we’ll get back to you,” replies Richard.
“At least sit down for a few minutes and have a drink,” Jeff says and surprisingly, coach shrugs and gives a hand signal to his team to sit down. Jeff jumps off the slip and helps Helen load a tray with drinks, trying not to look her in the eye. Helen grabs the tray, steps back onto the slip and starts walking, a bit wobbly, to each of the guests. Once she reaches Coach, she loses her balance a bit and Coach instinctively stretches to catch her, but misses and tumbles onto the mat. This causes Helen to land hard and suddenly, the whole slip dislodges on the long side, dumping each of them into the drink, in helpless, slow motion. Thoughts of the Titanic float through Jeff’s mind.
In the water, along with the five West Mariner and Helen, floats Coach’s thick toupee. He quickly swims to it before it can sink and flaps it on his head. Jeff searches around for something to toss to the team, realizing that it will not be easy lifting them out of the water.
Watching from afar, Shaun, ever the lifeguard, runs over with a ladder from his boat. As he approaches the slip, he sees Jeff leaning over the dock, talking calmly to his guests in the water. “Won’t you consider a conditional order now? We’ll put in the contract everything you need. Then, we’ll haul you out of here.”
Shaun howls out loud. “This Richard is such a funny guy!” And, he drops the ladder over the edge and steps on the edges to hold it steady while the team scrambles up.
Richard’s holding his hair in place with one hand and hoisting his body up the steps using the other. “Son, the only thing I’ll consider right now is kicking your ass all the way to Kansas.”
Helen quickly trots, dripping wet, up to Barbarian Days, followed closely by Wolf. She buys towels and a set of dry clothes for the team, which is a best can do effort of Hawaiian prints and colorful tee shirts, and a beach cover-up for herself. Wolf and Helen change in the shop and head back down the ramp, looking like a young couple spending a day on their boat.
Shaun offers his boat as a place to change and after a few minutes, the team gathers, looking more like derelict surfers than business professionals. Always the host, Shaun offers everyone a beer and nobody turns it down.
Wolf clinks beer bottles with Helen and proudly proclaims that it’s the best time he’s ever had at a demo.
Surprisingly, the little dip seemed to have broken the ice. And it is hard to stay too angry in Halloween costumes.
“Jeff, it sure wasn’t boring,” said coach. “In order to get this project across the goal line for delivery this season, you’re going to have to put on a full court press. I’ll report our findings and feel out your management as to their level of commitment to this project.”
“Sir, I can assure you that it is a top priority and out best people are working on it.”
“Jeff, we do lots of business with your company and I don’t want this to in any way ruin our relationship. So, I will talk to your bosses personally to make sure they share your views.
“Drink up, boys. If the most lovely Helen of Troy will be so kind as to escort us to our chariot, we might be able to be home before kick-off.”
They all grab a sandwich and soda from the catering table and head to the car laughing and pointing at the dock kids, already back at it. “Those kids are having a blast!” said Wolf to his team.
Helen holds back for a minute and asks Jeff “What the fuck just happened?” To which Jeff replies, “I just HATE demos.”
“Are they already done?” asks the videographer, the one who originally started talking with Jeff. When Jeff nods, the kid says “But they didn’t even seriously jump on it! And they are all wearing bathing suits.”
“No, they did not! But they had a pretty good slide. Thanks for digging all the furniture out of the water. Now, if you can help move the furniture back to the boat over there, you can jump on the slip all night long.”
The kids hoot and holler, move the light weight furniture to Shaun and move the heavy furniture from Shaun’s back into the truck. When they return, they all start jumping up and down, doing backflips on the mat that then launch them high and into the water. They take turns videoing the whole thing.
Jeff wonders back Shaun. “I could really use another beer. Tomorrow I will be unemployed and shall start my slaveship. Owe, my last name is Klinger, not mud.” He extends his hand.
“Welcome aboard, Jeff. My last name is Finnegan and I’ll be a gentle master,” says Shaun, as he hoists Jeff aboard. “I’ve seen lots of demos but that tops them all. You did indeed go down like a flaming turd. But, look at the bright side – you’ve created some great Tick Toc content.” Shaun points at the dock where six young guys have been joined by three young gals, all jumping up and down on the very large trampoline. Shaun walks to the ice chest pulls out a beer, opens it and hands it to Jeff. “I don’t miss being responsible for demos. Now, I just watch them and predict the worst possible outcome. Oh, and it almost always goes worse than I’d predicted, but not today. You exceeded all expectations.”
“Perhaps we could sail away right now, because I don’t think I can show my face around here anymore. But, I need to warn you, there might be a warrant out of my arrest.”
“Now, that sounds like a story to be told over a few beers! I can always stow you away in the engine room.”
As Jeff and Shaun continue to yuk it up, Jeff sees Anne, his favorite ex-employee, on the dock, shuffling some papers around.
“Anne! Anne! come on over,” Jeff yells.
Anne, dressed very stylishly in white linen pants, a navy one shoulder top, a straw hat and sunglasses looks up from here papers, grins from ear to ear when she sees Jeff, waves and starts heading over.
Shaun says to Jeff, “I’ve seen her down here a few times in the past week. Quite a bonus that I get to meet this exquisite creature.”
Without either taking their eyes off Anne’s approach, Jeff says, “Once you get to know her, her looks are the least impressive thing about her. She’s super sharp. She was my best engineer.”
“That was before you got in trouble with the law?” Shaun asks, as Anne reaches the slip.
“Jeff, it is so good to see you!” exclaims Anne as she climbs aboard with Jeff’s help and gives him a big hug.
“Anne, this is Shaun Finnegan, potentially my savior. Shaun, this is the fabulous Anne DeGorgio, the ex-rising star of my company.”
“Yes, that was before he fired me. Shaun, so nice to meet you. Tell me how you are going to save Jeff and from whom?”
“Well, Anne, he tells me he is in some trouble with the law, and I can see he’s in big trouble at work, so he wants to be a stow-away. I am trying to decide if he is a dangerous criminal, so perhaps you can help shed some light on this.”
“Shaun, this might take some time. Can a gal get a beer around here?”
Shaun retrieves a beer for Anne and the three of them sit down.
“I worked for Jeff my first 5 years out of college. Our group was very creative and leapt tall buildings in a single bound. But, alas, it was not enough to overcome the scourge of large corporations in this flat world nor defy the laws of physics.”
“Your FBI report sounds fine so far, Jeff.”
“Wait, then there were some rumors floating around town about Jeff tackling a teacher during a conference.”
“Hey, in my defense, there were no witnesses. So, it is just one of those he says, she says issues. Now, who is telling these nasty lies?”
“Your mother.”
“Oh, God, and my mother was a judge. See why I am running away from home, Shaun???”
“Well, there is more. The teacher shows up at school with bumps and bruises and her desk is broken. Then, shortly after the incident, Jeff and his pregnant wife took off for India. I wasn’t sure if we’d ever see them again. Now, nobody much would miss Jeff, but his wife takes care of half of the town’s pets. By the way, how is Margo?”
“She’s getting to that uncomfortable stage. But, in another month, we’ll have a new member of the family. So, we’ll reset the clocks on all those soccer games, birthday parties and childhood illnesses.”
“Don’t forget those teacher conferences, if they let you in,” says Shaun. “I’m not sure I should whisk you away from all of that.”
Jeff nods and then turns to Anne, “What are you doing here? Shaun says you are kind of a regular here these days. “
Anne gives Shaun a sly side glance, as if to say, “Oh, you noticed, did you?”
“The whole group of us took your advice and started a new company. We just received our first major round of funding and applied for our first patents.”
“It’s been what – 20 weeks? That is pretty darn fast, Anne.”
“The honest truth is we started a bit before we were fired, but you knew that, didn’t you?”
“Yes, it was more that I was actively oblivious.”
“We all thank you for that. The writing was on the wall with the Water Tower project. We had zero control –and we knew there was no use in spending our time trying to engineer something when the physics don’t work.”
“God! Don’t you hate it when engineering programs get taken over by idiots,” said Shaun, knowingly.
“Yes, what they wanted us to do was not just a bad idea, it was against the law. In this case, the laws of physics. So, we showed them the math, which they totally ignored and we just gave up. A disregard for facts is not a good thing in engineering. You just can’t politic them away. Hence, we had a pretty good start on our new endeavor when we were “let go”. Anne says using the hand air quotations. “Then, it’s amazing how much work you can get done when you don’t have a paying job.” Looking at Jeff, she continues, “we’d love to have you come work with us, Jeff. We’ve been holding a spot for you. And, so happy that we didn’t need to sabotage your current project or bust you out of jail.”
“Hey, I just might take you up on that! Perhaps I could work out of the country, even. Tell me about this company that I helped found by being profoundly inept.”
“We just filed some patents on how to build low-cost desalination plants and we’re about ready to sign some contracts with the US agriculture department to replenish the aquafers, starting with California. Refilling the aquafers will help with rising ocean levels and allow California to continue to be the breadbasket of America. Win-win.
“So, you can come with us and help save humanity,” Anne holds up one hand, palm up, “or stay where you are and help rich people put trampolines on their slips.” Anne holds up the other hand, palm up and shows a struggle weighing one vs the other. “I know it is a hard choice. “
“So, were you here to see that demo?” Shaun asks.
Anne circles one arm around high in the air, and then sends it straight down – while making the splashing noise.
“There it is,” says Shaun, “the flying, dying turd. I would say she saw it.”
“I was actually given a bit of a heads up by Helen, that is Jeff’s assistant you saw on the dock with him,” Anne says during to Shaun with the clarification. “I saw her here earlier this week and she told me about the planned demo.
“That old dude was cruel! And his flunkies look better suited to a soccer field than engineering, perhaps they’re all in marketing or son-in-laws. They looked much better once wet and clad in surfer gear. I watched from up there and wanted to offer you $1000 for that wet toupee.” Anne says pointing to area above the dock where Jeff first started talking with the kids. “That tall blonde dude was about to grab Helen’s ass; and she was all in!
“Oh, and speaking of harassment, working with us, I can guarantee you won’t have a boss asking you to blow him on a regular basis.”
“Oh, environmentally conscious and all PC, too! What more could I ask?”
“You could ask for an obnoxious amount of money, but I recommend taking some stock options,” answers Anne.
“Let’s get together and chat – it might take me a while before I can sit down again after Dan gets through with me.”
“Yeah, you are totally BUFO’ed there. Maybe you should caste away with Shaun. Just make sure you leave Margo behind. Lots of pets depend on her.”
“Right now, my new besty Shaun is going to buy us both another beer.”
“I’d be delighted! But, please continue talking about your technology, Anne. I find this fascinating.”
“Thanks, but I really should get going. I have a big meeting with investors tomorrow and I need to finish the presentation.”
“Humanity can survive a few more minutes, Anne. Besides, this meeting may be more important than the one you have tomorrow. When I’m not rescuing screw-ups, I manage an investment fund, so I really would like to hear about your desalination project.”
“Alrighty then, I will practice my talk on the two of you, over this beer.”
“Great,” replies Shaun as he sinks back in his chair with his beer in hand. “Maybe we can help you plan a demo.”
“No offense, but I’ll handle that on my own,” responds Anne.