It's better to be lucky than good
Unfortunately, you can't pick.
Dreading the office the next morning, Jeff lounges in bed, in that state between dream and awake when you know you are dreaming, but really don’t want to give up the dream world for the real world. Try as he might, the sounds of the real world keep interfering with his mini-vacation: lying on a beach chair, being fanned by young ladies while one feeds him grapes. Finally, Budweiser jumps up and licks his face and he can’t pretend that bad breath is a daisy. Time to be a man and face that hangover. After a long shower, he realizes that it is past 10:00 and visions from the night before start floating through his brain. Yes, he’ll need to Uber to the office to save some time. Then, he can Uber to the docks to get his car later – and perhaps learn a bit more about Shaun and the caste away program. Margo left him an omelet jar on the shelf so he can just toss it in the microwave and be gone. That and a mitt full of Advils should help. Opening up the frig, he sees a smoothly that smells of ginger. Today, Margo is healing her self-mutilating husband, a good sign for later. Perhaps by the time I reach the office I will look half human, thinks Jeff. Besides, what are they going to do, fire me? Please have at it.
As Jeff enters the office, he notices right away that the pall he was expecting is absent. Perhaps nobody knows yet and Dan is out, he conjectures. Or maybe everyone is delighted Dan will soon be gone. Helen, seeming very chipper, greets him and says Dan wants to see him right away.
“Christ, I was hoping to get your return to airport debriefing before talking with Dan.”
“Then, perhaps you should have beaten me into the office,” Helen coughs and takes a long look at her watch, “say 11:00. Or, you could have texted me to join you at whatever bar did this to you. I did try calling you, and even tried Margo, but she didn’t know where you were, either. And that was after a beach tour with the frat boys topped off by a drink in the Gaslight Village.”
Hearing the conversation, Dan comes out of his office. “So, the coward returns to face certain death at the hands of the lions,” he says with a surprising amount of lightness. “Step into my den.”
Jeff walks into the office, ready for the mood to change. “I think I can explain what happened. I told you there would be some communication problems,” begins Jeff.
“Jeff, before you start weaving your tale of woe, don’t you notice anything?”
Jeff is somewhat confused by the question and the jovial nature. He looks around the room, expecting to see a change in the name plate of the company, but nothing looks out of place to him at all. Perhaps it is the hangover fuzz, he thinks. Then he sees a suitcase behind Dan’s desk, and wonders if his office is packed in there.
“Notice that my pants are all zipped up?” Dan asks as he moves behind his desk and waves across his crotch. “Have you seen this?” he asks as he stretches his hand across the desk and shows Jeff his phone. It’s playing the video of the kids jumping on the slip.
“No, of course you haven’t because you are too old and too busy with your life to pay attention to our real customers! You even know what Tick Tok is? This video has gone totally viral. World Marine called today; they’re flooded with requests from all over the world for the product and just put in an order for 10,000 of them, along with a promise for a $1M down payment before the end of the week. They want them delivered ASAP. Jack fucking pot! I’m heading to China later today to arrange for the manufacturing.”
Jeff stands there, mouth wide open, as he watches the kids from the day before goofing around on the trampolines.
“So, why don’t you take a few weeks off, just be available by phone, and think about how to restart the original project like you want – and with this money, you can totally hire back your old team. But, you are going to have to figure out how to totally fuck up with them again. Now, get out of here.” Dan says as he walks a bewildered Jeff to the door.
Jeff walks over to Helen’s desk and tells her, “I have no idea what happened in there; the world seems to have changed overnight.”
“I may have some insight into that. Looks like you could use some coffee, let’s go get some real stuff down the street.”
Over a cup of very strong java, Helen tells Jeff how Jarrod, the videographer from the dock – now a bestie with Helen, posted the video of his friends playing on the slip trampoline. It had made it half way around the world by the time she dropped the crew at the airport and one of Wolf’s friends copied him on it. It had become a meme before the jet landed back at World Marine headquarters. Wolf took some initiative by posting that World Marine would be selling them and requests started flooding in.
“Good ole Wolf! He’s smarter than he looks,” says Jeff.
“He’s actually quite funny, too. And, he invited me for a long weekend in Martha’s Vineyard. What’s the company policy on that?”
“I’d say it sounds like a marketing trip. Bring some brochures to hand out, snap a few pictures and jump on a few yachts. Dan would probably give you a raise if you made it sound like you were being a corporate slut. We’ll photoshop a picture of you and Coach.
were being a corporate slut. We’ll photoshop a picture of you and Coach.
“Now, I’m headed home to cook dinner and beg Margo to forgive me – again.”
“Don’t worry, Margo would never leave you….”
“Thank you, Helen.”
“Oh, I hadn’t finished. She would never leave you while she’s all knocked-up. She’ll wait until after the baby arrives, make you get up at all hours of the night and once the baby starts sleeping through the night, then she’ll leave with all of your money.”