After grabbing his coffee, Jeff heads straight to Dan’s office.  Seeing Dan at his desk Jeff gives a quick knock and settles into the chair across from him. 

Welcome back, Dan.  How did all that corporate sucking go?”

Dan leans forward in a conspiratorial manner and responds, “Don’t quite have all those skinny little dicks out of my teeth, but I have some floss and I do have the go ahead for our next project, to be done with our Indian collaborators.  Here’s a package with the details.  It is to utilize boat slip space by casting a temporary platform across it so that it can be used during the day – to hang out on, put out the lounge chairs, and all that.  At the end of the day, it needs to be rolled up again.  Those enthusiastic environmentalists giving us yet another opportunity.  “ 

Dan hands Jeff a rather skinny packet and Jeff thinks that there must be very few details, so at least the project is in its infancy and doesn’t have all sorts of unreasonable specifications, yet.

“I’ll start working on my Hindi now.” Jeff says.  

“They all speak English – the Queen’s English. “

 “Speaking is different than communicating,” Jeff retorts.     “They use the miscommunication excuse all the time.  I’ll spec out the tensile strength of the fabric and they deliver a Durries rug from their uncle, then pretend that it was all a miscommunication. “

I fully expect you to document the hell out of this, Dan. You’re my communication genius.”   

“Sounds like an engineering AND cultural challenge,” responds Jeff.   I really hope I don’t fuck this up, he thinks, followed immediately by hopes that he didn’t say it out loud.   He certainly didn’t mean to sound negative about a new project, certainly not on this Monday morning.   Stay focus, stay positive!

“I’ve worked with the Indians before.   So, I have a few tips for you.  This is what they look like when they understand you.” Dan does his impersonation by smiling with the mouth only, wide eyed and rolling his head at bit side to side. 

“And this is what they look like when they don’t understand you.”  He gives the exact same impersonation.

“And this is how they nod their heads to say yes.”  He moves his head up and down in a circular motion. 

“And this is how they nod their heads to say no.” 

Before he can replicate his impersonation, Jeff breaks in, “Let me guess.” And proceeds to give the same impersonation.  Dan joins him.  Anyone entering the room at that minute would swear they were designing Ferbies.    

“Before we get started, I have a bit of a family emergency and have to go to India for a few weeks.  Does that delay cause any issues?”

“No, I heard I might lose you to a jail sentence for assault, where they may teach you how to block one of these,” Dan says, throwing at fake punch at Jeff’s black eye.  “So if you really are going to Indian, then it is pretty convenient. “

“Yes, I am going to India.  The powers that be can throw me in the clink when I get back.”  Jeff says wondering if his encounter with Miss Collins was posted somewhere. 

“Where to in India?

Chennai”

“That is perfect!  You can go out and visit our partners there –   right in Chennai.  I will even buy your ticket.  Talk to Helen and she’ll help arrange everything. “

Thank you Dan!  I may have to run the whole project from there, if the authorities start hunting me down.”

“I’ll have Helen check on the extradition treaties with India.” 

 “I’m sure I can call anyone in town to get an update on my situation. Now, I have a meeting with my team to give them the bad news.”  Jeff got up slowly, hoping Dan would take this opportunity to tell him his team had been given a reprieve.  But none was being offered as Jeff slowly backs out of the room.   

Over the years, Jeff had assembled the best bunch of engineers on the west coast.  Originally, he didn’t even have to offer them the highest salaries, merely the opportunities to live in beautiful southern California and work on interesting projects in a fun atmosphere that gave them plenty of time to enjoy life and recharge their engines.  Creativity doesn’t understand a clock and great ideas are just as likely, or perhaps more likely, to crop up on a surf board with waves as the music as in a cubicle with chit chatter and phones ringing.  It was pretty sweet having Jeff as a boss and the team produced. 

Jeff enters the room where his 8 engineers have already assembled and the battle for the best paper airplanes wages.    

Standing in front of the room, he starts, “Hi gang.    As you all know, we really screwed the pooch on the Water Tower program.  Now, there were lots of items out of our control, but the corporate office is blind to that.  So, the bad news is that I have to let all of you go.”  There, he thinks, I got it out and that will be the worst of it.  Lots of swear words emanate from the group, much worse than normal.  “Fuck it,” “SHIIIT,” “Crap”, “Those bloody bastards.” So many references to bodily functions and fluids.  Why not other things, Jeff wonders, such as “Crash”, “Slash”, “Sour” or “Divorce”. 

After giving them a minute to work it out, Jeff continues, “The good news is we negotiated a 3 months’ severance package for all of you – which isn’t bad these days.   But the better news is you can all move on with your lives – go start those companies you were dreaming about – and working on – during the last 6 months.    And, I want you all to do it quickly, so I can come work for you after this next project flops.”  Jeff starts weeping a bit at this point, but doesn’t try to hide it. He wants them to know how hard this is for him.     

 “I need to tell you guys, I would work for any one of you. I love you guys and you are a hell of a team!  “

The engineers are not very surprised that Jeff is a bit weepy and even less surprised at the news.    One of the newer members of the team, Anne DeGorgio, stands up.  She is tall, reed thin and looks like a high end model pretending to be a geek by wearing large, dark rimmed glasses.   Her leadership skills were evident immediately to Jeff.  She knew how to get every member to talk and express their concerns in a constructive manner.  Her creativity was also top notch and he thought within a few years, if the world was based on merit, he would be working for her.  He is not surprised that Anne is the one taking control so quickly, but why was she so well prepared? How long had he left them alone in the room?  Was this posted next to the article that talked about his punching out Miss Collins???

“Jeff, we’ve been expecting this for weeks now.   We all want you to know that there is not another guy in the world we’d prefer to fire our asses.  So, we are relieved, not shocked.  And we’ve been working on our next careers.” Anne motions with her hands for all to stand and, obediently, they do.   Anne gives them the arm baton to start; and Jeff hears a chorus of “Sir, would you like fries with that?”

 

Revenge of the programmers and engineers