After Margo’s mother died, Jeff’s mother, Gina, somehow ended up in the surrogate mother role. Margo’s mother had not been best of friends with Gina, but they played tennis at the same club, often competed against each other and hung out together after their matches. Gina watched Margo grow up at the club and frequently talked to her. She always thought if she had a girl, she’d want her to be just like Margo: energetic, athletic, polite, smart and giggly enough, but not over- the- top silly. Although Gina would say she didn’t care about the sex of her children, in her honest mind she knew that was rubbish. She wished she had a little girl – a girl and a boy would be fine – rather than two raucous boys. This became more obvious as the boys got older, with big feet whose smell increased exponentially with size. A nice gal just plain would have smelled better – and eaten more like a human than a pregnant Tyrannosaurus.
Other mothers surely would have stepped up, but Margo felt very comfortable with Gina who never condescended or treated her as a poor motherless child. And Gina loved that she had a teenage girl to help with makeup and even the sex talks, which had nothing to do with her son at the time. At first the talks revolved around always being in control, never being talked into anything, taking some basic self-defense courses and how to kick a guy in the nuts, as a last resort, of course. Later, as Margo reached college age, the talks were more about using proper conception and after Margo reached 20, the talks were about how Gina regretted not sleeping with more guys. Particularly one hunk who continued to rev up Gina’s engine every time she saw him. She lamented to Margo, “If I could only go back 20 years and screw his eyes out, my entire sexual history might be different. I know his would be.”
Since the boys were often out of the house and Gina typically picked up Margo, Jeff and Margo really didn’t interact that much until Margo was as senior in college. During Margo’s junior year in college, Gina and Jeff’s dad, Willie, saw much more of Margo than Jeff. Margo lost her father in a private plane accident at the beginning of her Junior year in college and had become even more attached to Gina, spending holidays at their house, like they were her adopted parents. Meanwhile, Jeff was studying in Europe, so Margo and Jeff continued to be mere acquaintances until he returned from abroad. When Margo was considering vet school, she spent lots of time talking to Gina about continuing with school or taking a break, as well as getting a successful working woman’s perspective on home/ work balance. Gina was a great role model: graduated top in her class from Stanford law and then went on to be a top prosecutor followed by becoming a judge, a job she kept until her recent retirement. She was the fair but tough type of judge. The first time in her court, she was known to be fairly lenient. But, repeat offenders saw a very different judge and did not receive any sympathy. She had no tolerance at any time for people taking advantage of their position, particularly if it involved children. The local Catholic Dioceses found out about that when she forced them into bankruptcy.
Margo wanted to know how she managed a marriage, a stressful job and a child. It starts with marrying the right man, Gina told her. She and Willie met in law school, and it was love at first fight – when they were paired against each other in moot court. Willie just swooned over her, giving the professors yet another reason to hate the women at the school. But, it had been obvious by then that the brilliant, analytical, sweetheart Willie was not going to be a litigator. Rather, he was developing into a highly regarded tax specialist. His ability to understand the complexities almost made it seem like they made sense. Gina’s advice to Margo was to follow her passion, and Gina thought that Margo should start caring for little creatures so as not to get hardened by so much loss. Although she was not so blunt with her words, which sounded more like, “you have so much love to give and so much talent. Caring for little animals who will love you unconditionally sounds like a rewarding life.”
After graduating and returning from Europe, Jeff lived at home while getting established in his first US job as an engineer. Margo and Jeff complemented each other perfectly, and they began to spend lots of time together, doing both fun outings and the everyday events, such as running to the grocery store. Jeff’s parents couldn’t help but notice. Early on, they quipped about how wonderful it would be to have Margo as a daughter-in-law, although granting that she was already like a daughter. Then, over time, when it became obvious to the family that the relationship was no mere infatuation, Gina and Willie became apprehensive. What if the relationship broke up? Crap, Gina, thought, perhaps I shouldn’t have been quite so girlfriendish with the “screw his eyes out” regret. Regardless of the ugliness of the potential blowup, Gina certainly wasn’t giving up her relationship with Margo. Perhaps Willie could side with Jeff? That was not likely to happen, either, she thought. Poor Jeff. Things could get awkward. Even the marriage didn’t quite quell the fear. Willie walked Margo down the aisle and they paid for the wedding. After the first child, though, they stopped worrying: as grandparents, they couldn’t be expected to take sides!
Willie and Gina relish the role of grandparents, even if they are not exactly the old style rocking chair and cookie baking type. They are more the rock and roll and marijuana brownies type. Everyone, family and visitors, are very much at home at Gina and Willie’s, and nobody has died or even lost an eye- to date. At least weekly, Margo, Jeff, the kids and Budweiser go over for dinner. As involved grandparents, they were always delighted to babysit, although nobody was under the illusion of any chaperoning; it was more survival. Tonight, Margo and Jeff were dropping off the kids and dog before going to the City Animal Shelter Auction. While always delighted to have the kids, tonight there was a big bonus for Jeff’s parents as it meant not having to attend the event and that meant their pockets would be safe from Rachel for at least another night.
The kids loved going to the grandparents’ where there were few rules, good treats, card games and often a fun uncle. They did need regular safety reminders about how to behave while there, though. As they pull into the driveway, Margo gives them the rundown on the rules. “Now remember, no eating gramma’s brownies and no eating her gold fish, either. Only eat food she gives you. No searching around in her cupboards, because she keeps rat poison in there and even though it may look like gummy bears or little fish, it will make you very, very sick.”
Though this was not a new warning, Astrid felt the need to ask for clarification. “But Grammy G always gives Budweiser a few goldfish.”
Jeff turns around to look Astrid in the eyes while talking, to make sure she’s still paying attention. “Yes, but Budweiser is all grown and dogs have very different digestion systems than we have. Just like chocolate will kill dogs, Grandma’s goldfish will hurt you.” He opens the door and the kids and the dog dash up the manicured walk, lined with purple and yellow salvia, to a traditional looking colonial that belies the groove of its occupants.
“Jeff, I can’t believe we leave our children or our dog with your mother. We should be arrested.”
“Not to worry GoGo” using his pet name for her, “that should happen soon,” says Jeff as he approaches the door where Gina and Willie await to welcome them inside.
Margo says, “Hi Gina, Miss Andrews sends her high regards.”
Giving a full throated chorus a chuckle, Gina said, “Is she still alive??? I can’t believe nobody has strangled that beast of a woman yet.”
“We are starting with the second grade teacher and working our way down,” replied Jeff.
Gina said, “Sounds like there is a story here, and one better told over a drink. So, get your butts in here and let’s down a pregame before you go.”
While Gina mixes some drinks, Margo and Jeff retell the tale of debauchery at the school, leaving out no important detail. Jeff relays the threat that Miss Andrews will call child protective services on them and say Miss Collin’s black eye may thump the scale against them, if the two stories become linked. Gina assures them that she has enough dirt on Miss Andrews so nothing will happen there and Miss Collins’ letter to them is so out of line that she risks getting fired if she shares her story. Gina will make sure “Miss Red Lacey Panties” understands, in good ole legal language.
Gina places their drinks in go cups and she and Willie walked them out to the car.
“Hey, before I forget, I bumped into Rob at soccer practice the other day and somehow let slip that we were coming over here for dinner next week. Sorry…,” says Margo.
“I’m not surprised he showed up there,” replied Gina. “He asked me for your friend Beth’s phone number. I told him to get it himself. Ah shit. Alright, alright, I will just double up on my meds – but not to worry. I’ll wait to down them until dinner’s been prepared.” Before they had grandchildren, there were plenty of nights where dinner never quite made it onto the table, and nobody cared. “Rob always finds out about dinner somehow, the little moocher. You’d think he didn’t make a dime. Jeff, you call him and tell him he’s bringing the wine.”
While holding his elbows at his sides, Willie wiggles his hands and bends his wrist to reach the imaginary pocket in the middle of his chest. “Are we talking about my dinosaur son with those little T-rex hands of his? They just can’t quite reach his wallet. I think we need to sew a little pouch right on his chest and put his wallet in there so his short, little arms can reach it.”
“Do you think there is a cheap gene? Or just a short little T-rex arm gene?” asks Margo.
“It didn’t come from any of us, but it can skip a generation, same as mental illness. You kids need to get going. Don’t worry about us. The porno sites are all blocked and your mother is low on her stash, so not even Budweiser can go fishing. But I’ll give him some bourbon if he gets restless,” says Willie as he shuffled them into the car.
Shouting her normal good-by from the doorway, Gina says “Have fun and live scandalously.”